Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
