"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
