I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
