a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
