remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
