if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
