Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
