Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
