I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
