You're my little dorito
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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