the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
