What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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