Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
