I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
