I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
