hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
