never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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