i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
