If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
