When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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