If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
