Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
