If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
