she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
