so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
