I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
