i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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