it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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