I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
