I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
high people should be assigned attendants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
