I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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