24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
