Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
