I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
