i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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