Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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