shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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