His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
