I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
