Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
