sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
