so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
