I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
