Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
