Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
