He asked me if I "almost moaned"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
