I love having hate sex.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
