I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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