I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
