Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
